Why You Should Never Compare Grief With Others

‘Why are they crying so much? It was only their grandmother [or insert any potential relationships here]!’

If you have ever thought or felt the above, then it’s important to change the way you think about grief and sadness.

Likewise, if you have ever thought that your own personal experience of loss is greater than that of someone else, then you again are probably wrong.

The key thing to keep in mind here is that sadness and grief are not quantifiable. What’s more, no one instance of loss is ‘worse’ than another.

Remember, every situation is unique and subjective to the person being affected.

One reason for this is that every relationship is different. Just because your Granddad is ‘old’ doesn’t mean you will be any less sad when they die.

If you have a close relationship with them, if you talk to them often on the phone or if you consider them as one of your closest friends, then losing them can be just as painful as losing someone who is traditionally closer in the familial structure.

Likewise, the way people respond to grief is different.

Some people are simply more sensitive than others and more inclined to react very badly if they should lose someone they love. Regardless of whether you think they are being ‘overly’ sensitive, that sadness is very real to them.

Moreover, every situation is different and has its own tragedy.

Losing someone suddenly can be a terrible shock that leaves you reeling and unable to come to terms with what has happened. Losing someone slowly though will often mean watching them slowly die and having to deal with a drawn out loss.

Then there are the subsequent complications: the way that your children deal with the loss, the way your work reacts, the fact that you might also fall ill at the same time.

No two situations are ever exactly the same, and thus they cannot be compared objectively. You can’t put yourself in someone else’s shoes unless you have experienced the exact same thing that they have!

So taking this into consideration, what does it mean to us?

Well, for these reasons, you should never compare grief.

That means you should never judge someone’s reaction as being too much or not enough, and you should never get a sense of superiority out of your own experiences.

At the same time, it also means you should never judge your own emotions and reactions.

Allow yourself to react as you react, and don’t have any expectations for the way you should be feeling. It’s by objectively accepting your emotions that you will be able to move on healthily.

If you follow these few guidelines, both you and others will recover from the pain of loss much faster and healthier and never feel the NEED to justify their grief to others.